When my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in May 2005, she came to live with my husband and me. At that point, I became her journey partner as I thought no one should go through something like this on their own. Neither one of us knew what we were in for. I treated her like an independent adult that just need help with remembering things like medications and such. She was still “fully functioning” and never having been a parent myself, I imagined that helping mom on her Alzheimer’s journey was going to be like raising a child. We would both learn together. What I did not realize at that time was that as I was busy learning all sorts of new information, mom would be “unlearning.”  Everyday mom was a different person and it was very difficult for me to accept that. What was even more uncomfortable was the roller coaster that we were on with mostly big dips in abilities but sometimes a small comeback too. Things she’d remembered on Monday she did not remember on Tuesday. I’m not talking small things like people’s names that I expected her to forget. It was a difficult process, but at that point, I could handle it.

When mom first moved in she was fully able to care for herself. Then there came a time that I had to remind her to shower. And then came the time that I had to show her how to shower. And then I had to help her with her daily shower. She was forgetting daily processes.

She was used to helping at dinner time and I could ask her to make the salad or set the table. Eventually, she regressed to not being able to understand anything that was more than one step. I had to constantly change my way of thinking to match her abilities. I could hand her the forks and ask that she put them on the table, but expecting her to distribute them to the three places we sat was too much. By the time that she stopped asking if she could help me, I started working part-time out of the house and I knew I needed help during the day time hours when my husband and I were working.

After doing some research, we turned to Menorah Manor’s Irv Weissman Adult Day Center and it was a blessing that she was accepted into the program in July 2009. The help we found with the “socialization” for mom and the knowledgeable help and support that was available from Julie, the nursing coordinator, and Jeanette, the program director, was just what we needed. I finally felt we were no longer alone. Every morning before work, I would drive my mom to the day center and tell her that we were all going to “work.” Things went along smoothly and wonderfully with me being able to care for mom and be tethered to her for the hours that she was not at the day center for almost one year. 

Look out for Part 2 of Carrie’s Story in Next Week’s Blog Post